


Choices

by Saud



Series: Stories of Finn [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Existential Crisis, M/M, Mentors, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 22:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11656272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saud/pseuds/Saud
Summary: Finn is given something he's never had before: a choice, and it scares him.





	Choices

The day after Finn woke up they gave him his own room. Well, it wasn't just his. He shared it with Poe, but it was more his own than any other room he could remember ever sleeping in. One morning, after He and Poe and Rose had eaten breakfast in the mess hall and the latter two had gone off to run flight drills and Finn had returned to his room, He heard a knock on the open door-frame.

Leia Organa stood in the doorway. She was dressed in lay clothes and her hair was pulled back in two braids that obscured her ears on either side of her head.

"General Organa," Finn said, and it sounded more like a question.

"Finn," Leia responded. She smiled but it didn't touch her eyes. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, of course," Finn said. He closed the manual of Resistance protocol he'd been reading and placed it on the headboard of his bed, which doubled as a shelf.

Leia walked into the room and sat on Poe's unmade bed, facing him.

"Finn," Leia repeated, "What do you know about the Force?"

"The Force?" Finn asked, "Well I know some people have it. And if you have it, it helps you with certain things, like being better at combat."

"Kind of," Leia said. The way she was holding eye-contact with Finn was a bit unnerving, "The Force surrounds and binds every living thing. Some people can harness it. It does much more than help those people fight. Through it some people can have visions, can reach out and feel it flow through other living beings. And, Finn, I feel it flow through you. You are _strong_ with the Force."

"You're -- You're a Jedi?"

Leia made a sound that was half scoff and half laugh, "A Jedi? No," she answered, "But I am a Force user. I can feel it and I use it."

She closed and opened her eyes, longer than a blink.

"So you can use the Force and not be a Jedi?" Finn asked.

"Yes, you have a choice," Leia said, " _You_ , Finn, have a choice."

Finn was fidgeting, his right hand pulling at the fingers of his left.

"You can fight with us now in the Resistance, be a foot-soldier or train as a pilot or medic, or, well as anything you want. We're in short supply of everyone. Or you can go train with Luke and Rey to become learn how to use the Force. You could even go off and live a normal life if you wanted. That alone would be a way of fighting the First Order -- Escaping, being your own person."

"I--"

Leia waved his answer away, "Don't decide now," she said, "Think about it."

Finn was glad she said that because he was about to say 'I don't know'.

* * *

"Hey," Poe said that afternoon as he came in from flight training.

"Hi," Finn said as Poe slapped a button beside the doorway and the door hissed closed.

Poe turned to Finn as he he unzipped his orange flight suit, "What's wrong, buddy?" he asked.

"General Organa came to see me again," Finn said as Poe changed into grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt.

"Oh yeah?" Poe said, tossing his flight suit into the closet in the wall beside his bed, "What about?"

"She said I have the Force."

Poe whistled low as he sat on the edge of his mattress.

"Yeah," Finn said, smiling for the first time since he'd gotten the news. "She said I have to make a choice, whether I'm going to fight for the Resistance, or go train with Luke... or just go off on my own."

"So what are you going to choose?" Poe asked.

"I don't know!" Finn groaned, throwing his chin upwards to stare at the ceiling, "It's like," he said, then sighed and looked at Poe, "I come here and suddenly I’m supposed to know what I want out of life, after years of the First Order _telling me_ what my future is. Now people want me to feel relieved and _happy_ that I get a say, but I’m fucking terrified. What if I choose the wrong thing? What if I choose, and then, because of my choice, something goes horribly wrong, then it's on me. How do you do it?”

Poe reached out and took Finn's hand. He rubbed the back of Finn's knuckles with his thumb.

"It's hard," Poe said, "You want to please everyone and do the right thing, but sometimes there's more than one right thing to be done."

"Yeah," Finn agreed, "Like fighting with the Resistance is right but training with Luke is right too. I want to do both. I want to fight the First Order  _now_ , but I also want to learn to use the Force so I can fight them  _better_. And I know it's selfish but I want to be here with you too. That's part of the reason for me wanting to stay and fight." Finn looked down as if he was ashamed to admit this.

"Finn, babe," Poe said. He let go of Finn's hand, got up and sat beside Finn on his bed. He ran his hand up and down Finn's back, softly, weary of pressing on his scar, "If you choose to go, I'll be here when you get back. The Resistance will be here when you get back."

Finn exhaled heavily.

"Really?" he asked, "You'd wait for me?"

Poe brought his free hand up to Finn's cheek, turning Finn's head towards him.

"For as long as I had to," he said.

Finn leaned forward and kissed Poe. Poe's hand moved from Finn's cheek to the back of his head, pulling Finn down onto him.

Poe knew what Finn would choose.

 _God I'll miss this_ , Poe thought as Finn's hands went to his waist, slipping underneath his shirt.

* * *

[ _Insp._ ](http://putthepromptsonpaper.tumblr.com/post/163583653786/suddenly-im-supposed-to-know-what-i-want-out-of)


End file.
